I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
