We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
