no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
