I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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