and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
please come you make the beer taste better
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
