You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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