I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
