Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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