I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
