May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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