Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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