They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
