My friends, they love my intelligence
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
