you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
