I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
