In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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