You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
