the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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