Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
