Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
