i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
