i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
