i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
