I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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