Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
