im holly from the hills drunk
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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