So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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