Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
