I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
