Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
