Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
