my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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