hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My balls are so social today.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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