I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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