i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Someone signed my nipple.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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