it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
