The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
