There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
