New invention idea: vibrating tampons
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
