we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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