I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
