Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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