Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
