Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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