Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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