Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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