That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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