You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
