I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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