You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
