its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
