Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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