She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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