Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
