I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We just shotgunned beers for America
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize