just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
