I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
