Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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