just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
