Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
