my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
