so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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