MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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