Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
