Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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