whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
