CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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