I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
