Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
