Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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