There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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