dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
