Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
