Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
