no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
