I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
