Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
