Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
should my penis look like a turkey
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
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